


Remedy

by lovelarry10



Series: Who Do I Run To? [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Happy Ending, Harry is on Tour, Harry's POV, Louis disappears, M/M, Reunions, Sad Harry, Sequel, They aren't broken up, Touring, louis is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 17:47:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15587325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelarry10/pseuds/lovelarry10
Summary: “Are you coming back? I mean, are we done? Please don’t say we’re done Lou, you’re my everything, please-“ Harry held his breath as Louis stepped closer, taking Harry’s shaking hands in his own, running his thumbs over Harry’s soft skin. Harry felt calmer immediately at Louis’ touch, and longed for more, fingers itching to touch back. Harry inhaled as Louis stepped forwards and pressed a kiss to his cheek, the familiar scent filling his nose, surrounding him with love.“I’m so sorry.” Harry’s heart fell at that, and he could do nothing but watch as Louis walked away.Harry has to come to terms with Louis disappearing as he heads off on his first world tour, but he’s hopeful his boy will find his way home.A companion piece to'Don't You Remember'from Harry's point of view as requested. I hope you enjoy this.





	Remedy

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of people asked for this, and it's been written for a long time, so I hope you enjoy it.

 

_But when the pain cuts you deep_

_When the night keeps you from sleeping_

_Just look and you will see_

_That I will be your remedy_

_When the world seems so cruel_

_And your heart makes you feel like a fool_

_I promise you will see_

_That I will be, I will be your remedy_

“Lou, can you pass me the shopping list from the fridge please, love?” Harry asked, throwing Louis a dazzling smile across the kitchen. Louis just rolled his eyes and yanked it from the door, the magnet falling to the floor with a loud clunk.

“Shit, sorry,” he mumbled, picking it up and ramming back onto the sleek silver surface of the fridge door before moping out of the room. Harry frowned and folded the list, sliding it into his back pocket. Louis had been a bit off for days now, and despite Harry’s many attempts to try and wheedle out of him what was wrong, it had so far been in vain. He’d even tried to talk Louis through the tentative running order he, Mitch and Adam had come up with the other day for his upcoming tour, but Louis had even seemed disinterested in that.

Instead of dwelling on it, Harry plastered a smile onto his face and walked through to their spacious living room, noticing Louis slumped on the sofa, staring blankly at the television which had some repeat of Match of the Day running, something Harry knew he’d stayed up to watch the other night. That was another thing that had changed. They’d always made the effort to go to bed together, even if one of them stayed awake to read while the other slept. But Louis had been staying up later and later, and a few times, Harry had even woken to a cold bed, stumbling down the stairs to find Louis asleep on the sofa, a blanket hastily pulled up over his legs. That hurt, and Harry wished he knew what he’d done to push his boyfriend away.

“You wanna come to the shops with me? I don’t need much, but it’d be nice to go with you,” Harry said, a hopeful tone creeping into his voice. Louis just shook his head and Harry sighed, running a hand through his hair, pushing it back from his face. He leant over the back of the sofa and kissed Louis on the top of the head before saying a quiet goodbye, closing the front door closely behind him.

By the time he returned an hour later, arms laden with several canvas bags of shopping, Louis’ car had vanished. Harry walked into the kitchen, setting the bags down onto their large kitchen table, and he spied a new note on the fridge.

**_Haz,_ **

**_Gone out for a drive. Don’t know what time I’ll be back. Don’t wait up._ **

**_Louis._ **

Harry tried to ignore the sting of the tears burning at the back of his eyelids now, ripping off the note with anger and throwing it into the bin. Louis never signed his notes Louis, hadn’t done for years. It was always ‘Lou’, or ‘Loubear’ or even just ‘L’. But seeing ‘Louis’ there had filled Harry with a sense of unease, and he didn’t like it one bit. He put the shopping away and decided against cooking for himself, instead sticking a couple of pieces of bread into the toaster, waiting with his elbows on the counter while it lightly toasted the bread. When it popped, Harry jumped, deep in his thoughts, and he pulled out his phone, ready to text Louis but thought better of it. He knew when Louis needed space, he needed to be left alone, and the fact he’d vanished when Harry was out said everything.

As much as it hurt Harry, he loved Louis too much to push him further away, and sloped through to the living room, settling on Louis’ usual corner of the sofa, plate tucked up under his chin, paying no attention to the movie playing in the background. He chose to pull out his phone, flicking through his favourite album of photos. Inside were pictures of the two of them, some from as far back as the X Factor. Harry had always felt they were destined to meet, to fall in love, and went out of his way to make that happen, even when Louis had been more unsure. But when they’d kissed for the first time, Harry knew. Something settled in his bones, something permanent and unchanging, and he knew Louis was his forever.

The pictures made him smile, and want to cry at the same time. It felt like it had been too long since he’d seen that pure smile of joy on Louis’ face, the one that made his eyes crinkle at the corners, his top lip stretch in pure delight, made him throw his head back. Nowadays, Louis always looked... well, sad. Harry had done all he could to make him smile, laugh like he used to but to no avail. He just wanted this Louis back, the one that kissed him wherever because he could, the one that held him while he fell asleep, big spoon to Harry’s little. A tear fell down Harry’s cheek then, and he quickly shut the app down, realising no good could come from living in his memories, at least not tonight.

*****

Louis didn’t come home that night. He didn’t come home the next night either, texting Harry to say he was crashing at a mate’s. Harry had hated it, the house too big and quiet without his other half, and he’d gone to his mum’s. He hadn’t been entirely with her, fobbing her off with some excuse about Louis going to see some old friends, and that he’d offered to stay home. He knew his Mum didn’t believe him, but she did him the courtesy of not pushing it any further.

He fell asleep in his childhood bed that night, praying that Louis would come home to him soon, feeling like only half of a whole without him. When he awoke the next morning, he had a terrible ache in the base of his spine from the awful mattress, missing the one he and Louis had spent a small fortune on, but had already paid for itself many times over with the great sleeps Harry had had on it with Louis by his side.

He’d half-heartedly eaten a bowl of cereal, one Anne usually left in the cupboard for Louis whenever they paid a visit, in order to feel a bit closer to him. He’d hugged his mum goodbye, promising to come back soon, not realising how utterly true those words would become in just a short period of time.

He’d got home, pleased to see Louis’ car in the driveway. He dashed inside, and when he saw him stood at the counter in the kitchen making a cup of tea, Harry practically ran over, wrapping his arms around Louis’ waist from behind, nuzzling into the familiar neck, inhaling the smell that was so inherently Louis. He kissed at the soft skin as Louis nuzzled back and finally span around, pressing a quick and chaste kiss to Harry’s waiting lips. Harry had missed the touch and taste of Louis, but didn’t want to push it, taking what Louis was willing to give him, eager to fix whatever it was that had gone so horribly wrong lately.

“I’m cooking tonight, Lou,” Harry said, pulling open the fridge door to make sure he’d gotten everything at the shops to make Louis’ favourite dinner, pleased to see he had. Harry wittered on about his Mum, and Gemma’s latest article, Louis half-listening at the table, where he sat, running his fingertips up and down the ceramic surface of his ‘Best Boyfriend’ mug Harry had gotten him for Christmas.

Harry had worked quickly in the kitchen, shoving the dish into the oven, washing up the pots and pans he had used while Louis had a shower, and Harry had made their bed too, hopeful that Louis would finally be back in it with him tonight. They hadn’t had sex in weeks now, and while Harry missed it, he’d settle for a goodnight hug and kiss at the moment. They’d always been a very sexual couple, and Harry always knew when something was wrong with Louis. Sex was always the first thing Louis backed away from, and Harry had to make-do with his hand and his thoughts. It was fine, it was something Louis needed and Harry knew that, but it didn’t mean Harry didn’t miss intimacy with the person he loved most in the world.

A while later, Harry slid the dish onto a cork mat in the middle of the table, filling up their glasses with a nice wine he’d picked up a few weeks ago they hadn’t yet had the chance to try. He called for Louis, and smiled when he padded through to the kitchen in his joggers, and one of Harry’s old baggy t-shirts. There was something primal in Harry that loved seeing Louis in his clothes, the way he looked like he belonged to Harry in them. He smiled softly and stood from his chair, placing his big hands on Louis’ slender hips. He frowned slightly into the kiss, sure he could feel the jut of Louis’ hipbones more than usual but he didn’t comment, instead choosing to shut his eyes and press a soft and tender kiss to Louis’ pink lips. He pulled away after a moment, and shepherded Louis to the table with a gentle hand on his back. Louis sat, and watched as Harry dished him up a portion of food, much smaller than the one he knew he’d usually serve up.

Harry tucked in, blowing the food with puckered lips, while Louis just shuffled his around the plate. Harry was entirely aware he wasn’t eating a mouthful, just pushing it around to make it look like he was doing something, but no, not a morsel was eaten. Harry continued to make inane conversation, and Louis barely joined in, staring off into space.

“Well, I think it’d be great to end on Kiwi this time around, it really gets everyone going, and I think it’s the one people look forward to most. Don’t you think Lou?” Harry said before shovelling another forkful of lasagne into his mouth. Louis stared blankly at him, and Harry felt frustrated. His tour was important to him, and he valued Louis’ input more than anyone else’s. “I’ll just shut up then...” He picked up his wine glass and took a big gulp of the sweet liquid.

“Good idea,” Louis said coldly, and Harry felt like he’d been slapped. He slammed his glass back down onto the table and avoided Louis’ gaze as he pushed back quickly from the table, his chairs legs scraping harshly on the floor, and Harry didn’t care if it marked the floor as he stormed off. He wiped at his eyes roughly with his fist, running up the stairs, slamming their bedroom door behind him as he sat on the edge of his and Louis’ bed, creasing up the neatly made covers.

He ran through the evening in his head, trying to work out where he’d gone wrong, before he realised that no, this wasn’t on him. This was on Louis but still, Harry wanted to help, wanted to make things right between them again. He just loved Louis so much, and he was hurting, for whatever reason. Harry held his breath as he heard footsteps on the stairs, and slowly their door creaked open. Instead of coming over to him as Harry had hoped, Louis folded his arms and leant against the wall, looking at him with distant. They seemed to have lost their Louis-sparkle, and that made Harry’s heart ache.

Harry bit his lip, wondering how to even begin. In the end, he decided just to speak from the heart.

“I don’t know how to fix this Lou, how to fix this,” he said, voice shaky as his heart pounded in his chest. He wanted nothing more than to run up to Louis and wrap him up in a reassuring cuddle, to hold him all night and tell him it was all going to be okay. But he couldn’t, because he just didn’t know if it was. He ploughed on, determined to get it all out now he’d opened the floodgates. ““I don’t know what I’ve done to make you hate me. You don’t talk to me anymore, you don’t hug or kiss me. We haven’t had sex for a month, Lou. Is it me? Do you not find me attractive anymore? Don’t you-” He cut off with a sob, quickly trying to gather himself. “Don’t you love me anymore?” Part of him hated the fact he’d asked that, but he needed to know. He glanced up at Louis nervously.

But Louis’ answer never came. Instead, Harry watched with horrified eyes as Louis turned to their wardrobes and took down one of the suitcases they used whenever they had work in the UK, a small one but significant in its message today. The door shut with a soft thud, and Harry started to panic, his breaths coming in shallow gasps.

“Lou, no-“ Harry grabbed desperately for Louis now, wrapping his long fingers around Louis’ thin wrist, but Louis quickly dragged it away again, letting Harry’s hand flop uselessly against his leg. He couldn’t move. He felt stuck to the mattress as he watched Louis rifle through his drawers, throwing all manner of clothes haphazardly at the open case, shoving things in until they fit and he could pull the zip around, finally pulling it shut. Louis set it onto the floor, and Harry felt lost. He didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to change Louis’ mind.

“Are you coming back? I mean, are we done? Please don’t say we’re done Lou, you’re my everything, please-“ Harry held his breath as Louis stepped closer, taking Harry’s shaking hands in his own, running his thumbs over Harry’s soft skin. Harry felt calmer immediately at Louis’ touch, and longed for more, fingers itching to touch back. Harry inhaled as Louis stepped forwards and pressed a kiss to his cheek, the familiar scent filling his nose, surrounding him with love.

“I’m so sorry.” Harry’s heart fell at that, and he could do nothing but watch as Louis walked away. Harry was desperate for Louis to turn around, to send him one more glance that would tell Harry they weren’t over, that he just needed a bit of breathing space but it never came. All Harry heard was Louis leaving, the front door closing behind him. Harry fell back against the side of the bed, sliding down until his bum touched the floor, and wept. He hung his head low into his arms, tears dripping like a waterfall onto the carpet but he didn’t care. He’d lost the one person he loved more than anything, the person that was so much part of himself, he wondered how he’d ever functioned without him.

Harry didn’t know how long he sat there for until his tears dried up, unable to cry anymore. His eyes stung, his face was blotchy and red, and he felt sticky and gross, wanting to wash away the horrible memories of tonight away. He peeled his clothes off and stepped quickly into their ensuite shower, letting the water cascade over him, trying to rid himself of the awful memories.

Afterwards, when he slipped between the sheets, he pulled his phone off the charger and held it above his face, hating the fact there was no message, no phone call, no contact from Louis at all. Harry couldn’t help himself.

**_To: My Lou_ **

_Whatever this is, we can fix it. I’ll do whatever it takes Lou, I just want you to come home to me. I love you more than anything, you know that. If you need me, just call. Xxx_

_*****_

Harry didn’t move out of bed except for the toilet for the next 3 days. He ignored all the phone calls, texts and even the ringing of his doorbell. He checked his phone frequently, but the only person he wanted to hear from never called. He had sent Louis several more texts that went unread, tried several calls which went unanswered, and in desperation, even sent emails he knew Louis would never read as he never really bothered with email. He cuddled up to Louis’ pillow, inhaling the all too familiar scent until even that began to fade, replaced by Harry’s own.

It was the opening of his front door that finally roused him from his resting place. He stilled, waiting to see who it was, and when he heard nothing, he jumped out of bed, still in only his boxers and flew down the stairs, almost tripping in his haste to get downstairs.

“Lou? Baby, Louis, where are you?” he called, his voice echoing from the walls. He skidded to a halt as he arrived in the sitting room to see his Mum stood in the middle of the floor, staring at her son and the state he was in. Harry gulped and ran a hand through his hair, aware it was greasy and dull, his own face pale and tear-stained still. “Oh. You’re not Lou.”

“No, I’m not love. Why are you calling for Lou, what’s happened?” That was all it took for Harry to break down and Anne hurried over, scooping Harry into her arms and guiding him to the sofa, where he laid his head on her chest, and wept. He wept for Louis, for the possible end of his relationship, for his pain.

“He’s left me Mum, he’s just gone, I need him back, I love him-“ Harry said between sobs, clinging to the fabric of Anne’s blouse. It felt like forever until the tears stopped falling, but of course they did. Anne had left him on the sofa while she made him a cup of tea, and they sat and talked.

Harry tried to explain what had happened. He told Anne how Louis had grown distant, not wanting intimacy with him, not sharing a bed. He cringed as he told his Mum that Louis had shied away from sex for months now, but it had to come out, it felt like he was purging his deepest fears somehow. She listened intently, not interrupting as Harry told her everything, right up until Louis had walked out a few nights ago. It broke her heart to see her son so broken, and she could offer nothing except a mother’s love, and support.

As she went to leave Harry suddenly disappeared, darting up the stairs, two steps at a time. She stood in the hallway, wondering if she should follow, instead choosing to wait. He reappeared a short while later, a large black suitcase in his hand, another bag slung across his body. She threw him a puzzled look, prompting him to finally speak.

“I can’t stay here. I don’t want to be here without him. It’s not my home without him, Mum. I’ll come back home when he does.” He roughly wiped away a tear with the corner of the hoodie he had on, one of Louis’, Anne realised. “Can I come back to yours for a while? I don’t have anywhere else to go-“ he struggled with the last few words, overcome again with emotion.

“You never have to ask, Harry. My home will always be yours. And Louis will be back before you know it. He can’t be too long without you, he needs you as much as you need him.”

Little did she know how wrong she was.

*****

**To: My Lou**

_I miss you. So much. I don’t understand what I did, but come home, please. I won’t ask questions, I just want you home. I love you Louis. Xxxx_

*****

**To: My Lou**

_This is killing me, Lou. I don’t know where you are, who you’re with. If you’re okay, even. Please just say something so I know you’re okay. I love you, always. Xxx_

*****

**To: My Lou**

_You’ve never felt further away. I actually ache with the pain of missing you. Do you even feel the same? Remember that I love you. Xxx_

*****

**To: My Lou**

_I’m still waiting for you. I’ll always be waiting for you, Lou. Whatever you need, I’ll always be here. I love you. Forever, just like we promised. Xxx_

*****

Two months passed, and still Harry had no contact with Louis. He’d stayed at home with his Mum and step-dad, refusing to return home without Louis, adamant that one day, he would return. Until then, Gemma ended popping in, making sure things were okay and fetching Harry more clothes, until most of his belongings were with him in Holmes Chapel, instead of at his and Louis’ home.

Harry kept trying to get hold of Louis, sending regular texts, telling him he still loved him and was waiting, that no matter what, he’d always be there. He never got a reply, but it comforted Harry to know his words were out there, that there was a chance Louis was reading them and felt better because of them. He’d phoned Louis’ family, devastated to find out that Louis hadn’t been in touch with them either. His social media accounts were all dormant, no sign of Louis at all, and Harry just didn't know where to turn. It was almost like Louis had dropped off the face of the Earth, but Harry knew he'd search every last corner if it meant finding his boy, no matter how long it took.

Harry’s tour preparations were well underway, and while Jeff and the rest of Harry’s team were trying to plan things, Harry was adamant about not changing anything he and Louis had come up with together. Those things were sacred and to be left untouched, whether they fitted with the current aesthetic or not. Harry hoped that somehow, Louis might read about the tour, his concerts, and see that Harry had left everything just as they’d planned it, because Louis’ opinion still meant everything to Harry, even all these years later.

“But Harry – I think it would be good to have ‘Anna’ on the B-stage, something a bit more up-tempo, get the crowd going-“

“I said no Jeff. No. I want it as Lou and I planned. You know I wrote those songs for him, and I want to sing them for him every night. Just those songs. I don’t care what you say, Sweet Creature and If I Could Fly are the only B-stage songs, and that’s the end of it. And no Jeff, I don’t give a shit if people think they’re for Louis, because they are.” Harry stormed out of the room then, slamming the door behind him. He slumped to the floor outside, resting his head on his knees.

He grabbed his phone and swiped it open, his heart falling as he still saw no message from Louis, not that he was really expecting one by now. He opened the message app and tapped out yet another message to his love.

**To: My Lou**

_Planning the tour, left everything how we wanted it. Can’t wait to sing those songs I wrote for you to the world. Still love you, and still living in hope you’ll come home to me soon. xx_

As he tapped out of the message icon, his eyes fell on his phone's wallpaper of him and Louis, a photo Harry had taken of them both when they secretly snuck out to Jamaica together last summer. They both looked so happy, and the photo never failed to make Harry smile. He couldn’t help wondering in the back of his mind if he’d ever get any more pictures with him ever again.

He felt someone sit down next to him, then a soft hand landed on his leg. It was Clare, his new keys player he’d hired after hearing about her at a few industry events. She sat silently for a while until she began to speak softly.

“You miss him, I see that. I get why you want to keep the stage for his songs, and if it’s what you want Harry, then you should keep it. You’re hoping he’ll see it and come home, aren’t you?” Harry just nodded, not minding the tears that slid down his cheeks at her words. “He’ll come Harry, just keep believing that. In the meantime, you need to focus on this tour, I know how much you’ve been looking forward to it.”

Harry sighed, putting his hand on top of hers on his leg. “I know. Thanks Clare. Just finding it hard without him, like we were so excited to plan all this, the songs, the stage and everything and now he’s not here to watch it all happen. He should be here, he should be touring with me and listening to the soundchecks and stuff. I mean, he’s so talented at what he does, I trust his judgement more than anyone’s, you know.” Clare just nodded and let Harry rest his head on her shoulder before he finally admitted defeat and headed back in to the meeting, trying to get his head back into the game.

*****

**To: My Lou**

_First tour night done. Wish you were there with me, but had you on my mind all night. I had your ring on where everyone could see it, and as always I sung those words for you. I love you Lou. xxx_

Harry was laid on his bed in a hotel room in Switzerland, still coming down from the high of his first tour date in Basel. It had gone wonderfully, the audience singing along, cheering and Harry felt great in his Gucci suit. He and Louis had spent hours with Harry Lambert, Harry’s stylist and they’d picked most of the outfits for the tour. Harry still denied Louis stealing a few items that he spent hours painstakingly peeling off Harry’s body in the comfort of their own bedroom, and part of Harry wanted to run home and get those outfits, wanting to wear something that made him still feel close to Louis.

Instead, he was laid out on a queen sized bed in just his boxers, still covered in the sweat that had layered him thanks to the hot stage lights, missing the one person in the world he wanted there more than anything. The room was silent around him, and once again Harry’s thoughts drifted to the times he and Louis would crash in their hotel room after a One Direction gig. The other boys liked to go out and have a drink or something to eat but not Harry and Louis. Harry usually craved sex, high on adrenaline from the show, and Louis was always wound up, needing to find some release, and in each other, they had what they wanted.

Now, though, Harry was alone, and his sex drive seemed to have disappeared along with Louis. He grabbed his phone and pulled up some of the secret photos he and Louis had of each other in some very compromising positions, trying to stir himself into feeling something but it didn’t work. He needed Louis, his touch, his body, and photos just weren’t doing it. He sighed and flicked the phone off, the message app giving no sign that Louis had read or even opened his message. He might have been surrounded by hundreds of people on his tour, but Harry had never felt so utterly alone.

*****

Anne had been acting strangely. Harry had flown her out to Paris to come to his concert, and he’d enjoyed the day with her, treating her to a wonderful lunch in a Parisian brasserie. He’d tried to keep his spirits up, knowing how worried she was about him since Louis had vanished. It had been 4 months now, and still he was living with her when he wasn’t on tour. He hadn’t been back to his and Louis’ house, still vowing the only time he would return home was when he had Louis back by his side.

“Mum, what’s wrong?” Harry enquired as he started pulling on the Yves Saint Laurent suit he was to wear that night. He slid on the shirt, smoothing it down on his firm torso, realising he’d lost quite a few pounds since Louis had left. He just hadn’t had an appetite whereas Louis had always made sure he had eaten, particularly before and after concerts. It was one of the things Harry loved most about him, and he missed it.

“What do you mean?” Anne said, furrowing her brow at her son as she turned to face him when she hoped he had pulled his trousers on. He fastened them at the waistband, and called for one of the sound techs who started attaching his mic and in-ear pack to the back of his trousers, sliding the wires for his in-ears up inside his shirt. He shivered at the touch, and waited patiently for her to finish up.

“You’re being weird. I don’t know what it is, but something’s up. Is it Lou? Have you spoken to him or something?” Anne hurried to shake her head, but something about her action made Harry suspicious. Still, there wasn’t long until show time and he put all those thoughts of out of his head as he went off to find the band, letting Hélene his photographer snap a photo of the five of them first.

*****

**To: My Lou**

_We planned for you to be here with me in Oberhausen. This feels wrong without you. I miss your voice. I miss your hugs. Please Lou, stop breaking my heart. I love you, always. xx_

Everything was going well until Oberhausen. They’d been on the road for two weeks, and tempers were already starting to fray thanks to their close proximity, and Harry was really starting to miss Louis. He had known months ago that Louis wasn’t planning to join him at every point on the tour, but they’d made a rough plan of where he was going to be. Amsterdam had been tough since that was a special place for them, and Harry had gone straight from the stage to his hotel room, not answering the door to anyone for over 24 hours much to everyone’s panic.

Now, though, Harry felt like he was in a permanent fug. He couldn’t snap out of his bad mood, he wasn’t really eating, and he wasn’t even bothering to check social media for the fans’ reactions like he usually did. He’d even started letting his social media team post Hélené’s pictures to his Twitter page for him, letting them choose the image rather than hand-picking them himself as he had started off doing.

Something had felt off as soon as he’d gotten on stage. The crowd was wild as usual, Harry felt good in his Givenchy suit, the shirt was one that Louis had picked from a range offered to him, but he couldn’t quite connect with the part of him that usually loved being on stage. Everything felt a little mechanical, like he was going through the motions.

It all came to a head after Jeff snatched the pride flag Harry had taken from a fan on his way to the B-Stage, intending to drape it over his microphone stand as he often did when he sang _Sweet Creature_ and _If I Could Fly_. He had tried to push his feelings down, making a stand with a length pause between the chorus and Louis’ usual verse. The fans had gone wild and Harry had shushed them, trying to bite back the smile threatening to cross his face. He knew the fans knew, and at times that was enough.

The final notes of Kiwi pounded through the arena and Harry performed his ‘whale’, running off stage as the lights were killed, plunging the stage into darkness. Harry ignored the many stage hands trying to offer their usual high-fives and stormed into his dressing room, slamming the door behind him. A few minutes later, Harry was still pacing around and Jeff peered in.

“Oh fuck off Jeff,” Harry spat out, wishing at that moment he was a violent man. He was filled with rage, and it was an unusual feeling for Harry, and he didn't know how to deal with it.

“Harry, calm down, I’m sorry-”

“You’re sorry? Fuck off are you. You know how much it means to me and the fans that I take a pride flag up on the stage with me. It’s my little bit of me, it’s me letting the world know what I am and that I’m okay with it, despite the fact I have to keep the man I love hidden. But no, tonight you had to take away the last bit of me I had left. And yes, I fucking paused in _Fly_ again because I could Jeff, because I needed Lou to know he’s on my mind, and the fans need to know it’s for him like it always is.”

The door opened again at the raised voices and the band slipped inside, slumping on the sofas along the back wall. Clare rested against Adam who was busily texting his wife and children, while Sarah sipped from a water bottle. Mitch was the only one brave enough to approach Harry, laying a gentle hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“Harry mate, calm down yeah? Jeff did a shit thing but it’s done…”

“No Mitch, you know what, I don’t need this shit. My fucking boyfriend has walked out on me, I haven’t heard from him for months and Jeff fucked up the one thing I have at my shows that lets me feel close to him. I’m fucking done, with all of this.”

He stormed out of the door, and headed off down a corridor, leading god knows where. At that point, he didn’t care. He heard several voices calling his name but didn’t stop, intent on getting as far away from people as he could. He came to a stop at a door that led out to the private parking lot where he knew the tour bus was and he headed out, letting the cold air wash over him, clearing his head a bit. He sat on the floor, leaning against the bus’ tyre, not caring it was probably ruining his suit.

Mitch soon joined him, a bottle of wine and two glasses in hand. He poured a little into one of them and handed it to Harry who swallowed it in one gulp, hoping it would go to his head quickly as he usually didn’t drink much.

“It’s all shit Mitch. This is supposed to be the time of my life, you know? I was so excited to share the new songs with the fans, to wear all these amazing suits that people were begging me to wear, and see the fans every night. But the one thing I want isn’t here. And I know I sound pathetic, like I can’t function without him but I don’t care. I can’t. And Jeff doing that tonight with the flag just fucking pissed me off. I know he’s gonna have a go about the fact I paused before Lou’s verse again but I really couldn’t give a fuck. I’m just sick of this. I wanna jack it all in and go home.”

“No you don’t. I know you miss Louis, but come on Harry. Get your head back in the game. You can’t afford for this to go down the toilet, there’s too much riding on it.” Harry stared agog at Mitch, a bit shocked at the words coming from his so-called friend’s mouth. He clumsily hauled himself to his feet, staring down at Mitch, wide-eyed, heart pounding.

“Fuck you.” As he strode off, he pulled out his phone, anger descending over him now.

**To: My Lou**

_You’re being selfish. You can’t just walk out on me after 8 years and expect me to be okay. I need you. Make a decision Louis, you either want me and our relationship, or you don’t. If you don’t, tell me so I can try to mend my heart and get over you._

*****

**To: My Lou**

_I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. I was pissed at Jeff because he took away my pride flag, and I took it out on you. I could never get over you if I tried. I love you and all I want is for you to come back to me. I die a little more inside every day we’re apart Lou. xx_

*****

**To: My Lou**

_Wrote you a song tonight on the bus, wish I could sing it to you. There’s a little flame of hope inside me that thinks you’re reading this, so I just need you to know I love you and I miss you and I’m still waiting for you. I’ll wait as long as you need me to._

*****

**To: My Lou**

_Back home now. Show 16 already. I hope you’re doing okay. I miss your voice. Still haven’t gone home but I’m staying with Mum and Robin if you need me or want to see me. I love you, forever and always Lou. x_

*****

“What? What the fuck do you mean he might come tonight?” Harry stood still in the middle of his hotel room, Anne standing quietly to the side. She hadn’t divulged everything to Harry, how she’d been meeting Louis for weeks now, that he was struggling just as much as Harry was, but Louis had made it clear she could tell him he was considering attending the concert tonight.

“Language, and I said _might_ , Harry. Don’t get your hopes up love. I can’t promise anything, you know that. He might think it’s too much, and decide not to come and you have to be okay with that.” Harry nodded, but Anne couldn’t the apparent hope that was now in Harry’s eyes, and she almost regretted telling him. Harry headed back over to the table, picking up his fork, nibbling at his salad again.

“How is he? Does he look okay? Where’s he been-”

“Harry. I’m not going to tell you anything love, I’m sorry. It’s his story to tell, and I can’t break his confidence. If he doesn’t come tonight, he has to trust that he can come to me again. I know how much this is hurting you, but I’m trying to help I promise. All I can say is I know he still loves you, and he’s trying.” She stepped over and hugged Harry from behind, feeling his heartbeat racing under her palms.

“This was his favourite outfit,” Harry said softly, nodding with his head towards the Calvin Klein holder hanging off the wardrobe door. “He’s always loved me in blue, and he said this one matched his eyes. I promised I’d wear it tonight. It’s like he planned this or something.”

“I don’t think he did love, but at least you know if he does come, you’ll be looking good for him. Can you write me that note so I can get the tickets put by for him?” Harry nodded and scribbled out a short letter, throwing the first two drafts away before settling on something simple that hopefully wouldn’t scare Louis away.

_“Thank you for agreeing to come to the show Lou. Come backstage if you want, you’re always welcome, you know that. I hope to see you. H x”_

The words didn’t in any way convey Harry’s desperation and longing to see Louis, but still, it would have to do. Anne disappeared, leaving Harry to get dressed. The Calvin Klein outfit for his show in Manchester was one of his own favourites too. A stunning blue suit with a black tank top he looked good and he felt good. His tattoos peeked through the low scoop neck of his vest, and as the showtime neared, Harry felt more nervous than he’d felt all tour, even if he didn’t know for sure if Louis was there. Anne was hidden away with a few other family friends, and Harry waited nervously in the wings, awaiting his cue to go and stand behind the curved video screen, ready for his big entrance.

*****

**To: My Lou**

_I hope you’re here. I feel whole somehow with just the thought that you’re here in the room with me. I love you so much, Louis. Please, if you’re here, come and find me. Come home. xx_

Harry sung those songs like he’d never sung them before. He felt every word, every emotion as he belted out the familiar lyrics, shutting his eyes as he lost himself in the words, singing to one person, and one person only. He interacted lots with the audience, hoping he’d be able to spot Louis but there was no sign of him anywhere. He threw himself into playful chatter, picking on a few lucky audience members to converse with, singing happy birthday and teasing a few lucky ladies too. He was enjoying himself, and before he knew it, it was time to head to the B-Stage, his favourite part of the night.

The audience were great as usual, high-fiving him, passing him flags and flowers as he made his way down the aisle to a myriad of screams, waving as he finally climbed up to the small square platform followed closely by Mitch. He smiled at his friend, the air cleared between them now, and he stood at his microphone stand. _Sweet Creature_ went well, Mitch performing flawlessly as usual, and before he left the stage for Harry’s solo performance, he squeezed his hand slightly, nodding at Harry with a smile, wordlessly telling him it was all gonna be okay.

Harry’s heart was pounding at what he was about to do. He knew it would get him into trouble with Jeff, but if there was just a 1% chance that Louis was there, Harry was going to do this, come hell or high water. He cleared his throat after he’d put on his guitar, the one Louis had bought him a few years ago, LT and HS stitched into the underside of the strap.

“I wrote this one back in 2015. I’ve enjoyed performing it on this tour, but tonight, it means more than ever before. Tonight, I’m singing it to the person I love. If you know the words, please do join me. This is ‘If I Could Fly’.” He began strumming, and marvelled at the lights of iPhones that lit up the arena. He sang softly, and tried to ignore the kerfuffle in the audience as his eyes were shut, singing out the words of the chorus with everything in him.

The commotion was getting louder now and as he sang the last line, he let his eyes open. He let his eyes roam around, and when they found what he’d been looking for, he felt his heart skip a beat. Everything stood still in that moment, and Harry wanted nothing more than to jump off the stage and throw his arms around Louis and never let him go again. Their eyes locked, and Harry was struggling to hold back his tears now. He took in a shaky breath and smiled softly, heart feeling full as Louis returned the smile.

Harry started to sing again, not shifting his gaze from Louis’ for one moment. He could see people taking photos all around him, camera flashes going wild but he didn’t care. He sang the words to Louis, meaning every word he’d wrote for him three years ago, and nothing had ever felt so good. He sang softly as he got to the line that always meant the most to him.

“ _I hope that you don’t run from me…”_

He couldn’t stop his grin as he caught Louis mouthing back at him the words he’d been longing to hear for weeks - “I won’t.” Harry continued to strum his guitar, letting the audience sing the final chorus as he stared at Louis, blocking out the sound of people screaming his and Louis’ names. The song ended, and Harry could feel the love in the room as the opening bars of _Anna_ rang out in the arena. Harry sighed, wishing he could just hurry over to Louis but he winked at him instead, turning and jogging back to the main stage, knowing the show must go on. He knew inside Louis would be waiting for him afterwards.

The show continued flawlessly, and Harry strutted around the stage, waving flags, singing his heart out like he hadn’t before. He’d whispered in Mitch’s ear that Louis was here during a quick interlude, and the resulting smile told Harry everyone would be as happy for him as he was for himself. He couldn’t see Louis now but knowing he was watching from somewhere was enough. He began his usual speeches, and decided to throw caution to the wind again for his final thank you.

 _“_ Finally, thank you to… well, my person. You know who you are. You’ve given me the courage to stand up here every night to do what I do, and I love you. I’ve always loved you, and I always will. There’s nothing you can do that will ever make me stop loving you. You’re all I want. This next one's for you. I haven’t sang this one live before, but if you know it, sing along. _”_

He swallowed down the lump in his throat and picked up his acoustic guitar, the band taking a step back, knowing what Harry had been planning. He’d rehearsed this on his own for weeks until he was note perfect, Mitch helping with some of the trickier chord transitions, but now he didn’t care if he messed up. All that mattered was the words and singing them to Louis.

His own acoustic version of ‘Don’t You Remember’ by Adele rang out, the crowd silent as Harry passionately sang every word. He felt his emotions were getting the better of him as he neared the end, meaning every word more than ever. Although Louis was there, Harry poured every piece of emotion he'd felt over the past six months into it, the pain digging in deep, each lyric hitting home.

_“Why don't you remember, don't you remember?_

_The reason you loved me before_

_Baby please remember me once more_

_When will I see you again?”_

As he strummed the last note, the tears fell and Harry quickly turned his back on the audience, wiping them away. Sarah blew him a small kiss from behind her drum kit as he tried to gather himself, but there was sudden screaming emanating from the pits. Sarah started smiling and pointed behind him, and Harry wiped his eyes again as he turned around, jaw dropping as he saw Louis stood there in front of him, on the stage. It was almost too good to be true.

“Lou - what, oh my god, do you know what you’re doing?” Harry stuttered out, aware the eyes of 20,000 people were on the pair of them now, that there wouldn’t be any way of explaining this other than what it was. Harry’s heart soared as Louis started to speak, the voice Harry had missed for months finally ringing in his ears.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything,” Louis said, stepping towards Harry and wrapping his arms around him, and in that moment, Harry felt like he’d come home. Screams filled the arena but Harry felt like he and Louis were alone as he buried his face into Louis’ neck, inhaling the smell of his boyfriend. “ “I love you so much, so so much. And I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to push you away, I just, I think I just lost myself for a while. But I’m home now. You’re my home, Haz.” Louis leant forward and pressed his lips against Harry’s.

Harry let his eyes flutter shut, and he lost himself in the kiss. They exchanged a few more words and soon, Louis had disappeared, but Harry wasn’t worried. He was stood in the wings, watching with a proud smile as Harry belted out his last few songs, eager to get to the end of the show like never before. He enjoyed every moment of the songs, finally feeling free, pride flags whipping around in the pits, and they never meant more.

*****

“Fuck-” Harry moaned as Louis slammed him against the now closed door of their hotel room, his hands up under Harry’s vest, clutching at his soft skin. Goosebumps were all over Harry’s body now, reacting to the touch he’d been needing and craving for months, but somehow it felt surreal. Louis’ lips connected with his again, and it felt like he was trying to press every bit of guilt and apology into Harry there, his tongue tangling with Harry’s, their pants filling the room.

Louis grabbed at the fabric of Harry’s suit and yanked at it, pulling his blazer off and letting it fall to a heap on the floor, Harry grabbing at the hem of his tank top now, yanking it over his head. Louis bent down and kissed Harry’s bare chest, running his tongue over Harry’s nipples, making Harry throw his head back, slamming against the wooden door again.

“Oh god, Lou, missed you, need you-” Harry groaned out, fingers pressing into Louis’ hips then, pulling their bodies close. Harry could feel Louis’ length digging into his thigh, and he was so pleased that he wanted him as much as Harry did. Louis brought his fingers down and fiddled with the waistband of Harry’s trousers until it popped open, letting them fall down his thighs, revealing the part of Harry Louis had always loved the most.

Louis pulled back suddenly as Harry stepped out of his trousers, and stripped in front of his boyfriend until they were both finally naked. Harry gasped slightly, the sight one he hadn’t seen in too long, yet all too familiar at the same time. Louis held out a hand and Harry took it, letting Louis pull them close together, kissing deeply again.

“I love you Louis - don’t leave me ever again, please. I love you so much,” Harry said between sobs, tears falling freely now as the realisation that Louis was truly here started to hit him.

“Hey, don’t cry love. I’m sorry, so so sorry. I love you more than anything, I’m sorry-” Louis said, kissing Harry’s tears away, rolling his hips forwards slightly, chasing the feel of Harry. Harry moaned at the feeling of Louis' half-hard cock pressing against his thigh, his own twitching at the thought of finally having Louis inside him again, and Louis took that as his cue to get things going, desperate for some kind of intimacy with Harry. “Can I - god, can I fuck you Harry, I need you-”

“Please, need to feel you inside me, need to know this is real-” Harry breathed out, bucking up into Louis’ touch as he spun him around, opening him up slowly and carefully with gentle fingers. Louis sucked harshly at Harry's neck as his fingers moved inside him, and Harry just let him, knowing it was Louis' way of showing Harry how loved he was. Harry was pressed stomach down against the door, fingers scrabbling for any sort of purchase as Louis slid another finger in, twisting and turning, Harry moaning at every single motion. He tried to still himself, letting Louis take care of him the best way he knew how. “I’m ready, please Lou, show me I’m yours-”

Louis nodded and turned him again, kissing gently as he lead him over to the bed. Harry crawled onto the bed and got onto all fours, displaying himself to Louis who groaned at the sight, hurrying to coat his cock in lube, needing to be inside Harry by now. He shuffled up behind him, running gentle fingertips down the curve of Harry's spine before he lined up and pressed forwards slowly, Harry’s breath shuddering as his body stretched around Louis, a bit unused to the intrusion since it had been too long since they’d had sex.

“Perfect, so perfect, love you so fucking much,” Louis whispered into Harry’s ear as he gripped at his hips, rocking gently inside him, losing himself in the sensation of Harry’s tight warm body around his length. They moved together, Louis’ legs bracketing Harry's as he rocked inside of him, Louis’ thrusts become harder and faster as the feeling got better, both craving more. Harry’s hand was wrapped around his own cock now, and he was stroking in time with Louis’ motions, both muttering out how much they loved each other, how much Harry needed Louis, begging him not to leave again.

“Harry, my Harry-” Louis shouted as he came deep inside Harry, letting himself fill Harry up, watching his cock disappear into Harry’s body as he rode out his high. Harry was fucking himself back now, desperately trying to chase his own orgasm, and Louis snuck a hand around between them, holding Harry’s own and guiding his motions as Harry stroked himself quickly, chasing his own orgasm. That was what Harry needed to push him over the edge and he came on the sheet below him, Louis stroking him through it, whispering words of love into his ear.

Louis carefully pulled out a few minutes later and pulled Harry down on the bed, letting him rest on his chest. Both of them were breathing heavily, bodies sweaty, Harry’s neck littered in love bites he knew he’d get a bollocking for but he didn’t care. Louis was back, he was wrapped in the arms of the man he loved, and that was all he needed. He was finally home.

*****

They had sex again later that night, Harry taking Louis this time, wanting to claim him in that way, to make Louis his once more. Louis had been as eager for it as Harry was, begging Harry to get inside to him, to make him feel full and to make him feel loved. Harry had ended up fucking him hard, getting out his anger and frustration over the whole situation until he came with a cry, Louis following swiftly afterwards, covering Harry in his release. Harry had sobbed into Louis' arms as he lay buried inside him, the emotion of Louis finally returning to him becoming all to much at last.

They hugged, giving each other the comfort they craved until they fell asleep, only waking to talk honestly before sleep overtook them once more. Harry fell into a light sleep, not wanting to wake up without Louis, scared that by morning, it would all have been a dream.

*****

It wasn’t a dream. Harry stirred early the next morning wrapped around Louis, sleeping soundly in his arms. Harry smiled to himself, and kissed Louis’ shoulder, wanting to let him sleep more, sure he must need it. He closed his eyes again but sleep refused to come, too many thoughts now waking up in his tired brain, still unable to wrap his thoughts around the fact Louis was here, he was actually back.

Louis started to stir in his arms and Harry loosened his grip, letting him roll over until they were chest to chest, and Louis was looking up into Harry’s eyes, his own reflecting the love Harry had his own back at him. Harry had never felt happier.

“You’re still here Lou.” Harry moved forward and kissed Louis’ lips softly, relishing the feeling of finally waking up with his boy again. He hadn’t realised until that moment exactly how much he’d missed it, and he felt complete again, finally.

“Never gonna leave again, babe. I’m so sorry. I know I have a lot of explaining to do, and a hell of a lot to make up. I can only hope you’ll forgive the shit that I put you through. I wasn’t fair, I was a selfish bastard and I’d understand if you didn't want me back. But I just need you to know this really wasn’t anything to do with you, this was all on me, I promise. You’re all I ever wanted. I just needed to sort my head out. I’m so sorry Harry.” Silent tears rolled down his cheeks, and Harry just pulled him closer, his chest getting wet but he ignored that, only wanting to comfort his boy.

“I won’t say I understand Lou, because I don’t. You’re the one I turn to when I need comfort, so I can’t fathom why you wanted to run away from me when you needed me the most. But you need to know I will always be here, and I’ll always wait for you. It hurt, so fucking much. I’m angry you left me and you didn't tell me why, that you haven’t been in contact, that you’ve been dealing with your pain on your own. But I know we can work through this, we can find our way as we always do. Plus, there’s the little matter of what you did on stage last night…” Harry smirked down at him at that, reliving the moment Louis outed them to the world.

“Shit. I don’t know what I was thinking. Well, I do. I wanted you back and I wanted you to know I was there with you. And when you sang _If I Could Fly_ , I couldn’t hold back, I had to see you. I felt like I was being drawn to you, and I didn't give a fuck if the world saw us, which they bloody did.” They both laughed at that, and Harry shifted so he was on his back, pulling Louis against him, his head on Harry’s chest now. “Are you okay with it? People know now, no more hiding. It's a lot, I know, especially after all this time hiding who we really are...”

“I’ve always been okay with it, Lou. I’ve never been shy to hint at us, you know that. We never should have had to hide, I was proud to be yours from the minute we got together, I've always wanted to scream it from the rooftops... that I was lucky enough that Louis Tomlinson picked me to fall in love with, and I got to love him back. And Lou, even if you weren’t there last night, I told the world the song was for you, just without naming you. It’s always all been for you, you know that.” Louis tilted his head and pulled Harry down into a deep kiss then, trapped in their own little world, neither wanting to ever leave. “I never gave up on you Lou, I would never. But please, the next time you’re hurting, let me be the one you turn to?”

“You will be. I’m never gonna leave you again Harry, you’re my forever.” He climbed on top of Harry at that point, wanting to show Harry exactly how much he loved him, needed him, and that he was home. He didn't have to be scared anymore. He had Harry, and that was all he needed. Always.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated.
> 
> If you want more in this verse, let me know, I'm sure there's a third part lurking in me somewhere!
> 
>  
> 
> [Rebloggable Tumblr fic can be found here](https://chloehl10.tumblr.com/post/176690622766/remedy-by-lovelarry10-words-9902-rating-mature)


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